Today the observation was about how I have evolved as a therapist!
How have I changed?
In the initial few years, I worked with clients in the exact textbook, empathy-detachment manner that I was taught at school. Nonchalant expressions, with a nod here and there. Listening, not sharing. Observing, not judging. Supporting, but from a distance.
It worked well for a few years.
Though as time passed and as I worked with more and more people, I realised that there is this human side to me that I did not wish to ignore anymore. The side that had thoughts and experiences, similar to my clients.
I consciously altered my working style.
I still remained empathetic and objective, but I also became more real. I shared examples out of my personal journey and recommended tools that I had used on myself. (Yes, I am constantly working on self-improvement and often test tool on myself before sharing them with my clients).
Since years now, everyday during my morning meditation, I share my intent with the universe. It changes depending on the lesson that I am trying to learn during that particular phase of my life. With my working approach changing, my intent became a request to let my paths be crossed with the people who are my soul tribe- the ones whose journeys I’m supposed to be a part of. This intent has made me more conscious of the kind of work I want to do and the impact my work would make.
I also started offering the so-called-free-discovery-calls before deciding to take on a client or not. As a self-employed person, that may come across as a gross economical error, but for me it was and still is an investment I make. I now focus on quality not quantity. Not quality of the client’s issue or my skills, but the quality of impact my services could make in a client’s life.
On more than one occasion I have refused to take on someone as a client after the initial phone call, saying this isn’t my expertise. The honest confession here is- sometime it is truly to do with my skill set but at most times it is a mismatch of interest. I would rather do lesser work with highly motivated people, than a lot of mediocre work filling my sheets. The motivation that I refer to here is the internal fire one can sense in people when they are wanting to make a change, the desire to understand patterns and capability to be vulnerable.
Clearly stating my intent has also made me abundantly aware of my strengths and weaknesses as a therapist. So yes, I do cherry pick the people that I work with. It is a suggestion I would extend to other therapists as well, because when I decide to work with a client, I mentally make a commitment to myself to support them to the best of my ability. This commitment is not voiced to the client, of course. But it is a promise to myself, to the other fellow human (client) and to the community in general to do what I would expect a professional to do for me if I was in such a situation.
To support how I would like to be supported.
If you are one of those people that I redirected to someone else, I want you to know that it was with the best of intentions. Not because I did not want to support you, but because I recognised my incapability in supporting you the way you needed. I hope you did find the right help, and are in a better place for that.
And if you are someone, I am working with or have worked in the past, then I would like you to know that it has truly been an honour to be a part of your journey, your story, your pain and strength. I take pride in remembering my clients from even a decade ago, and that’s because I am committed to them in many ways that I am not professionally allowed to share. I do think about their pain, even when active therapy has stopped. I wonder what progress they made, and how life has panned out for them. I secretly also hope to get messages with updates, which I realistically know wouldn’t come. I cherish the privilege to be amongst a handful of people one thinks of during a tough phase, and understand the responsibility that comes with it.
Words often echo in ways we may not realise.
