Puppets- A short story

(The painting is by Saintworksart, downloaded from the internet)

She always left a country as soon as she started to think of it as home. As soon as it felt safe and comfortable, it became scary. To grow roots wasn't something she was born to do. She was born with wings, all she knew was how to fly.

She closed her eyes and places a finger on the globe kept on the corner table of her studio. The tip of her finger decided where she would live next. Both her passport and her profession made it easy for her to move wherever she wanted to. After all, which country didn't have children who didn't enjoy being swept away by a grasping narration. 

She was a good storyteller. Her puppets were the only ones that always went with her to each new country. They were her only family. Creating new homes every few years made sure she had enough stories to tell. Over the years she had gotten brilliant with accents as well. 

'Kayak.com', she typed in on her Mac. The orange of the logo caught her eye. Just because of that colour, she was willing to change her destination. Orange reminded her of the sunset and of the fruit of course. She had never witnessed prettier sunsets than the ones she had lived through in Jamaica.

Should I go back? She asked herself. She had never booked a flight to the same place again. She had never gone back before.

Going back meant going back to the known. Going back to all those places and all those people who were familiar. Wasn't it the familiar that scared her the most!?!

#me too

I saw at least 10 of my friends posts #metoo in one hour yesterday. I wanted to post it too, right away in fact but then I asked why? Whom would it help? Yes, the gravity of the issue would be visible for everyone to see. But what after that?

Will it stop that man in the bus whose penis I felt on my buttocks innumerable times from doing it to another girl?
Will it stop that man who pinched my breast and ran away while I just walked with my friend as a teenager from trying again?
Will it make the uncles and the man servants stop believing that it is OK to touch, squeeze, feel?
Will it make them feel ashamed?
Will they read these posts and feel sorry?
What would it do in the end?????

Don't get me wrong, awareness is great. Talking about it is important, sharing is necessary but if we don't do anything else then it is a waste. If no further steps are taken then it would just give us a sense that we aren't alone in experiencing this, thats it. It would just be a safety in numbers type of reassurance. Who needs only that, I don't!!

I learnt early on that my elbow was a great tool to be shoved in the stomach of the man standing behind me on the bus.
I also taught myself that there was no shame in using my fingers to pinch that man's private parts if he still did not stop.
I realised that humiliating also worked wonders, I have turned around and said things like 'peeche hat nahi toh tod doongi tera' (move back or I will break yours) & the typical 'apni maa-behen ko bhi aise hi karta hai kya?'(Do you treat your mother and sister in the same way?). I used my strongest voice and the loudest pitch possible. Some smart ones would occasionally turn around and say, kya bakwas kar rahi hai, pagal hai kya? (What shit are you talking, are you mad?) but that's OK.

He is allowed to use his words as long as he knows how to use them. He is allowed to retaliate as long as he knows that his actions are not OK. He is allowed to be human as long as he lets the beast sleep. He is allowed to change and become a better person.

P.S- I only use 'he' in this post because all my experiences have been with men. I know it has been a woman for many of the #metoo brigade too.

I am sorry we go through this. I hope we find a way to change. I hope the next generation doesn't need to use #metoo for this cause.

Inspiration??? Where?????

As a self-employed, home-office running, some-days-sitting-in-my-pajamas-and-writing woman, I need to find constant sources of inspiration to keep me working/going.

There are days when I would work with 2-3 clients, make progress on the book I am writing, cook fresh meals for my family, go for a jog, connect with a few friends, do some marketing and still have enough energy left to play with my toddler and even go out in the evening. And then there are days when I clear the breakfast table just before dinner, which we have to order because I didn't have the motivation to cook. I don't need the table for lunch on those days since lunch is had sitting on the couch while watching an episode of Gray's anatomy or Gilmore girls on my laptop.

It is the later type of days when I need inspiration to even move from the couch to go pick up my daughter from her Kindergarten. Thankfully, I have learnt the art of not falling into the lazy day trap for too long, I free myself from it in a maximum of 7 hours. Here's how:-

💭  I write a schedule\to-do-list. I recently discovered that writing things down on a piece of paper changes a lot. We tend to see things in black and white, literally as well as figuratively (provided, you used a black pen and white paper). When we write things, we are in a sense committing and hence our chances of finishing them become much higher.

💭  I read. Reading inspires me a lot, it could be quotes on Facebook, Books, Testimonials from my clients, blogs, stories of people's lives. Reading ALWAYS  motivates me to act.

💭  Anchoring feelings- I simply reconnect with how I feel after I have accomplished a said task. As soon as I remember the satisfaction and happiness I derive from my work, everything seems worth it. 

💭  Re-read, reconnect, revive- Going back and reading sweet messages from loved ones, mails and feedback from my clients never fails to motivate me. I know I have mentioned it above but here I am talking about re-reading the same things. It helps me realise that just like my clients, I can create magic too. It helps me revive my motivation and inspires me to go on.

💭  Taking a child's perspective- A child always has more wisdom than all the adults put together. Their focus is simple- fun. When we have fun in doing something, our unmotivated days are automatically reduced. 

💭  Take inspiration from others- In this department, I have a special privilege since people share their deepest struggles with me. Listening to my clients' stories always inspires me. They require so much strength to share their deepest secrets and still they do it so genuinely. It requires so much guts to want to change and yet they want to change. It takes a lot to admit that we need help and yet they do it so inspirationally. Listen to stories and struggles of people around and get inspired.

💭  Share your struggles- Sharing is always inspirational for both parties. Others' could get inspired from our stories the same way we get inspired from them.

💭  Never stop looking for inspiration. I never stop looking hence I never stop finding things that inspire. It is as simple as that.

I hope this post is one of those things that motivates you, inspires you and moves you in some way. It is one of those things that you keep re-reading. 

A lifetime of joy

Childhood is about blowing on dandelions,





 and spotting snails.




                                       **************************************************                            

It is also about jumping with joy for no particular reason



and about running in the middle of a gorgeous place.





                                      ****************************************************




Childhood is about collecting pebbles like they are treasures,




and licking on ice-cream with the whole face.



                             
                               ********************************************************

                                  It is also about singing and dancing like no ones watching

                                               and howling without a worry of space.
                                        
                                           ******************************************

Childhood is about just being and loving a lot
and it is about being a child forever.
Childhood is about laughing out aloud and sometimes being shy
and it is about living a life that NEVER lets the child in you die!!

                                            ******************************************

The best birthday gift EVER

My birthday just went by and it was special.

It always is. 

Birthdays are the best days of our lives, I believe. It is a day only for you, when you should be pampered, you should be fussed over and you should be made to believe that the world revolves only around you.

In my opinion there are 2 kinds of people in this world:-

1. Those who believe that their birthdays are the best days in the world. 

2. Who believe that birthdays are just another day in their lives. 

Obviously you know already which one I belong to just by the virtue of writing this post. Just FYI, My husband belongs to the second category. Even though he is in the 2nd category he makes sure that I continue to stay in the 1st and I feel truly lucky for it. I have more reasons than I can type to feel lucky but I can safely say that I feel lucky just to be able to recognise that I am lucky. 

I also feel lucky because I learnt early on that, life is eventually all about learning. 

With each passing year, I learnt more about life, more about myself and more about the people around. I say I feel lucky because a lot of us don't ever get to that lesson. We just get caught up in figuring out who said what to whom. The rest of the time we spend in wondering what they really meant or could have meant.  

In the past years I learnt that it is more important to peep within, than to find faults in others.

I leant that all of our issues stem from our childhood. Our parents voices from the past, are our inner voices forever. 

I learnt that no matter what the world is trying to make you believe, you would only trust what you want to trust. Good or Bad. 

The biggest lesson I learnt in the past year was that, as important as it is to learn, it is equally or more important to UNLEARN. We learn things that work for us but even when they stop working, we don't let go of them. We don't unlearn. 

I feel lucky because this year I learnt to unlearn and that is the biggest gift I could give myself. 

Wouldn't you want to give such a special gift to yourself? 

Additional notes ;) - My 2.5 year old decorated my birthday cake that my husband had baked for me. She worked very hard on placing each butterfly in the place and way that she thought was perfect. 

Jodhpur- A short story

I am sitting on the highest roof of a 500 year old halevi surrounded by light indigo everywhere, with a brilliant orange dot in pale greyish sky. I absorb everything around me as my husband and friends decide to sleep off the afternoon. We are all recovering from the long road trip we made from Pushkar to here in our own ways.

There is a nip in the air already. I can hear a dog barking somewhere, horns of vehicles on the streets close by, birds chirping and the Maulvi reminding people to pray. I have always loved these reminders. The Church bells, the sweet sound of azan or the soothing ringing of temple bells- they are enough for me to connect to God. I don't pray.

I can see the boundary wall of the fort and I am hoping to be served a piping hot cup of masala chai right here. I am obviously looking at other indigo roofs and balconies, I want to know what people are upto. I don't know them but that doesnt stop me from intruding into their lives. I see a girl standing on a roof close by. She is folding the clothes that have been drying in the sun and she is talking to someone.

'Why is she so shy while talking? Why do I feel that she is hiding, that she doesn't want to be caught talking to this...?' I don't know whom she is talking to, I can't see, even though she is really close to me. I can hear her. I shift a little. I want to see the person on other side of the conversation yet I have to be subtle. They can't know that I am spying. I still don't see but I hear.

Girl on the roof- Where were you for so long Sunil? I have been waiting here since almost 20 minutes. Do you know how painful it is to remove each bedcover taking 5 long minutes? 

Sunil- Sorry Parvati, I was trying to come but Prakash refused to help me. He said do your own job so I had to start what I had to do and I quickly came to say hello.

Parvati- Oh!!! that means you are going back?

Sunil- Sadly yes, as soon as the water boils. I have already added the ginger and sugar so that I have a few more minutes with you. I promise to come back at night, lets say 11.30?

Parvati- I have a lot to do at that time. tidying up the house, wash the utensils, clean the kitchen, check if Pallavi and Aarti's uniforms are ironed. I can't. Shall we meet in the morning? 4.30? on the way to the milk shop? 

Sunil- At the entrance of our lane, he says smilingly. And rushes back to his boiling water.

Parvati's heart is filled with the deep affection that she has for Sunil. She smiles back at him. I can see her smile and then she turns around to see if anyone else witnessed their rendezvous.  She obviously doesn't want to be caught. Before I could turn away she notices me and suddenly turns red. Her expression was more shock than embarrassment I notice. It was as if her eyes were confused if they should look away or open themselves as wide as possible.

I am confused too. I am very embarrassed at being caught spying but I am more confused. Why is she shocked? She could be angry, she could be embarrassed but why this expression, I wonder while I hear the clicking of a cup and saucer travelling on a tray. I am secretly thankful for the timing of the tea. I am a tourist so I can just turn around for tea and forget ever having sat through this conversation. I turn around with a purpose, I see a waiter carrying my tea and some cookies and relief fills me. The waiter bends to keep the tray on my table and my eyes fall on the tag on his shirt- Sunil Rathod it read.


Mallika Bhatia
Written- December 2011
Published- March 2017

I believe in angels

I have always believed that people are basically good, that all of us are always trying our best. Yet I have had issues with trusting people. I have been used, abused and re-used. I have been called names that I never could associate with myself and at such times I have questioned the existence of the good in this world.

A few years ago I asked the Universe, are there truly angels amongst us? I wasn't ready to let go off my belief about people being good but it was high time I got proof for it. So I asked for it and boy, am I happy I asked!!

The universe decided that instead of a simple tick to my multiple choice question, it will give me multiple experiences so that I can never doubt in the goodness again. Let me share two experiences where I really felt touched by an angel. They made sure that I never doubt in the goodness again, hope they help you too. 

# Incident 1

Me and my husband decided to move to Europe a few years ago. It was an opportunity for us to travel this part of the world while getting paid for it. It sounded perfect so we jumped at it. The residence permit required many documents including my original birth certificate. Now I don't know if many of you will identify with this but back in the days I was born and where I was born, a little slip of paper was enough or so thought my parents. I was born in the Army cantonment hospital in Bathinda, Punjab, India. The hospital just issued a peice of paper to my parents which said a girl child was born on 04.05.82 at 04.30.a.m. weighing xyz kilos. That was my birth certificate, period. No name, no reference to anyone. 

I am sure no one thought that 30 years later I would decide to travel to another continent and hence would need a proper birth certificate. I am actually surprised that I survived without needing it all this while. We were worried and stuck and had no clue what to do.How does one fetch a birth certificate of a 30 year old? By now the birth certificates were issued by the local municipal (or were they always?) So new rules, strange place(had never been there after my birth), no local contact and no direction. 

A friend suggested that he had an ex-colleague who was from my birth place so he would connect us and we could take help from him/his parents. We thought we had a direction to follow not realizing that we had been just introduced to a real life Angel. Dr. Anil Goyal did not know us from adams, he did not even know of our existence but he decided not only to help us but to almost take over all our worries. 

I called him and told him my history and he told me to mail him the originals and he would do the rest. I was in two minds about sending a stranger the only document we had so sent him a scanned copy instead. After a week when we called him and told him that me and my husband plan to come to Bathinda to get things done he told us that there was no need. We waited another week and went anyway. We reached there only to almost just pick up the certificate and even be treated to an amazing lunch by him and his wife.

He had done all the running around, all the calling up people, taking appointments, all paperwork-everything without knowing nothing more about me than my name and what I needed- without anything to gain from it. NOTHING!!!! We literally could not believe that someone would put in so much of effort and spend so much of their time only to help a total stranger, that too when he is a practicing psychiatrists with a busy schedule. All I know in the end is that I was touched by an Angel with a huge heart. 

# Incidence 2 

By now we were settled in Munich and were waiting for our baby girl to come into our lives. Like all expecting parents we had a list of things we wanted to buy for our baby. We were buying some of the things second hand. I had gone to pick up a bottle sterilizer from a lady's home. As I entered her home, she was apologetic about the mess and all the suitcases around. I obviously said it did not matter and I stood there waiting to get my stuff so that I could go back home (pregnancy does get you tired pretty soon). She told me to sit in the living room while I waited, which I did. Soon an older lady dressed in a salwar kameez came out to greet me. She had a plate with laddoos(Indian sweet) in her hands. 

I love food and pregnancy made sure I became greedier than I anyway was. I saw her plate and said LADDOOOOS with all the excitement I felt. She generously offered me to take the whole box home which I obviously declined. Me and aunty sat and spoke about our roots and places of origin. We spoke about food, I took my stuff and left. the entire visit was just about 15 minutes or less.

A week down the line I get a message from Sonali,the lady whose home I had visited to pick up the sterilizer. In the message she had invited me home for lunch and said that her mother would like to cook for me. She said that her mom realizes that I am pregnant in a foreign country where there is no way for my food cravings to be fulfilled. I did not know what to say or feel. I was surprised at her thoughtfulness, I was touched by her idea to make a pregnant woman feel special and I was sure that I could not go. I wrote to her and conveyed how much I appreciated her thought but I can presumably can't let them put in that much effort and waste their precious time on someone they did not even know. They were inviting a complete stranger to their place to have a meal only because they thought that the pregnant stranger would feel special. They were planning to spend hours cooking for a girl they had met just for 15 minutes.

Luckily for me they insisted till I agreed and I am so glad I did. I had the best chicken chettinad and I made sure that I finish all the neer dosas she made. I truly felt like a greedy pig, rather a pampered and loved greedy pregnant pig.


Now my daughter is two and a half years old and I still bless Mrs. Prabhu every time I think of her just like I thank and bless Dr. Goyal without whom I would have never traveled the world the way I have. They are 2 angels out of many that I have been touched by, the few who helped me restore faith in humanity. They taught me that there is more to life than to just to think about ourselves, that a simple act of kindness can truly change someone's perspective and that Angels actually disguise themselves as humans..