The unfulfilled mother

I wrote this back in 2012 while recovering physically and emotionally from child-loss. For those of you who don't know, I lost my first baby in the 6th month of pregnancy. Since it was so late in the pregnancy, I had to deliver the baby vaginally. Post delivery I physically went through everything a new mother does- bleeding for days together, lactation and leaking breasts for weeks and pain. Emotionally I can never explain what I went through but my writing helped me cope. Guess it was too painful to share at that time.

To say I got over it would be a lie, how can one get over a child? But I have healed enough to share.
                                                   

                      The Unfulfilled mother

I am not a poet or an author, I am an unfulfilled mother
I am not as whole as I thought, I am maybe just a quarter.

I am not as brave and strong as I am showing the world
when I am alone in an alien bedroom, I am all wet and curled.

I am not as big a person as I thought I was
I still get angry and feel pain for an unknown cause.

I am not as pretty and beautiful as you might think
I actually bleed and leak,
Everyday I think I'll grow but in fact I shrink.

If this seems like a poem to you, then please just don't bother
because this is just my pain as I am an unfulfilled mother.

06/06/2012