Women- Money- Why don't we match?

                             

Even though I secretly judge people who don’t respond to messages, I equally cringe at the LinkedIn messages I often get. Most of them are from social media managers trying to convince me that I’ll grow wings — maybe even a horn — and become the most unique unicorn therapist in existence once I start using their services.

Naturally, when I got a message from Jasmine on LinkedIn, I opened it with my usual reluctance, completely unaware of the impact this one message would have on me.

On the mother’s day Sunday, Jasmine, the Founder of Flamigos, a financial planning firm, was organising a talk for women about personal finances and investment. She wanted me to talk about the psychology behind women’s reluctance to make financial decisions. 

Having worked with hundreds of women in my therapeutic practice, I already understood most of the emotional barriers that held us back from taking monetary decisions. I had seen the hesitation, borrowed confidence and self-doubt first hand. What I had really not done yet, was put these observation in a larger framework- to understand the structure, and research behind them.

Preparing for my part of the presentation became an eye-opener, not just professionally, but personally as well. Reading through the research highlighted the evolutionary and cultural reasons why so many of us women have such a complicated relationship with money. We inherit stories about money before we earn it. We absorb beliefs about security, risk, competence, and worth, looking at our mothers. And slowly finance becomes someone else’s department, someone more competent, and qualified.. men.

At the beginning of the morning surrounded by women ranging between mid 20s to mid 50s, I couldn’t predict the transformation, revelations and the shift I would have in my own perception. 

There I was- as a Psychologist- speaking about low financial confidence and greater risk aversion, while the audience was filled with women across different stages of life. Some had already bought their first homes. Some had built businesses. Others admitted they had absolutely no idea where to begin.

                                         

It was a perfect mix of everything I feel as a female myself. Each participant reflected my personal anxieties and confusion when it came to the big bad world of numbers. 

A world so alien and overwhelming, that if I had a man explaining finance with 200% confidence and 4% empathy, I would have mentally exited the conversation in the first five minutes. 

I thanked my stars that Jasmine was a woman. 

Subconsciously I knew that she would related to my anxieties, maybe even have her own. And that made the experiences all the more relatable. 

Through our conversations, I had realised that at a deeper level, our value systems matched. Of course, we both want to make money. And refreshingly, neither of us seemed ashamed about it. 

Money is important, naturally. But beneath that we spoke to something deeper-bigger and equally important to both of us. 

Yes, we were building businesses, but the bigger goal was women’s empowerment. To help women feel less intimidated, less dependent, less excluded from spaces they had long been made to feel weren’t theirs.

I realised, that was probably what made me say yes in the first place. 

This clear value. 

The answer to a question I ask myself everyday- what more can I do for this cause I so deeply feel about. 

In an age of social media where ‘women supporting women’ is a big hashtag, here was Jasmine, truly putting things into action. 

The fact that her presentation wasn’t boring really helped the cause. 

That afternoon I left my own presentation more empowered, aware, and with the clarity of my own intent as well. 

I also learned something else:

Not all LinkedIn messages should be ignored 😉😉.